The experience of grief can be complex and unique to every individual. It may come as a response to many situations that involve the loss of something or someone– including a friendship, relationship, pet, or a job. Among the various reasons a person experiences grief, the death of a loved one can bring about a significantly challenging time that requires compassion and support for the individual who has suffered the loss. While a level of discomfort can exist around conversations related to grieving and death, it’s important to show your loved ones that you are there for them in their time of need. 

Grieving a loss? You’re not alone. Text CONNECT to 741741 for free, 24/7, confidential support from a live, trained volunteer Crisis Counselor—anytime. Below are some tips for what you can say to someone who is going through the grieving process.

What to Say When Someone Loses a Loved One

Everyone navigates grief in their own way, and it can often look different based on the relationship between the deceased and the people they are survived by. Coping with the loss of a mother or father might be a very different experience than coping with the loss of a husband, wife, or child. While there are nuances to what you can say to offer your heartfelt condolences, here are some general phrases to consider when expressing support during someone’s time of grief:

1. 1. Checking in and letting you know that I’ve been thinking about you, no pressure to reply.
   2. You don’t have to say anything back, just wanted you to know that I care.
   3. Please let me know if you need anything… a hug, a shoulder to cry on, someone to listen or just sit in silence with, I am here for you.
   4. I know everyone grieves differently. Let me know how I can best support you.
   5. If you need to take a walk, get some air, or just someone to sit with in silence, I’m here. 
   6. I’m around this weekend if you’d like some company. We don’t have to talk about anything heavy.
   7. Would it be helpful if I just sat with you for a bit? No need to talk.
   8. Please let me know if you need anything. Even if it’s just some space, I’m happy to give it to you.
   9. If you ever want to talk about them and share stories, I’d love to hear them.
   10. I’d like to listen if you ever feel like talking about them.
   11. You can talk to me about them whenever you are ready whether it’s now or 20 years from now.
   12. I’m making a trip to the store today. Is there anything I can drop off for you?
   13. If you need help with daily stuff (errands, food, laundry, etc.) I’d love to help.
   14. I’m available to pick up groceries, babysit, make dinner… whatever you need.
   15. I saved a seat for you at lunch in case you feel up for being around people. 
   16. Whatever you’re feeling is completely valid–I’m here no matter what.    
   17. Take your time with everything. Some days will be harder than others, but I’m always around if you need support.
   18. You are allowed to feel however you’re feeling. This is your experience and no one else’s.
   19. I can’t possibly understand how you must be feeling, but I’m here for you.
   20. I wish I had the right words. Please just know that I care.

What Not to Say When Someone is Grieving

Grief is unique and complex, varying greatly from person to person.  It’s important to acknowledge the person’s pain, offer them sincere condolences, and validate how they are feeling. Try to avoid minimizing their emotions, comparing their grief to yours, using cliches, and offering unsolicited advice and false promises. Some examples of statements to avoid include:

• They’re in a better place.
• Everything happens for a reason. 
• At least they lived a long life. 
• You’ll move on in time.
• It will get easier.
• Now is the time to be strong. 
• Don’t cry.
• I understand how you are feeling.
• You shouldn’t feel this way.
• This is so unfair.

Another thing to remember is to avoid condolence messages and words of support that state intentions you do not genuinely mean. For example, if you tell a friend or family member who is grieving that you can bring them groceries anytime, make sure to be available should they decide to take you up on your offer.

To read more about grief, how to support someone through it, and resources that are available, click here.

Other Ways to Support Someone Grieving

The grieving process is not always linear and involves several stages. Experiencing grief can also bring about other struggles with mental health including depression, anxiety, and suicide, so it’s important to be present for them, continue to check in, and to encourage them to seek additional help to get through their grief, if needed.

Shinise Muse, Vice President of Clinical Supervision at Crisis Text Line, also offers some advice on ways to support someone who has lost a loved one:

“Everyone grieves differently, so it is appropriate to respect how someone processes the loss of a loved one. Don’t judge or assume how a person should respond, react, or act. Respect the stage they are in, and support them where they are. One minute they could be laughing and joking around, and the next they may feel suicidal. It’s important to validate their feelings, while offering personal or professional support.

Sometimes cooking, cleaning, and taking care of children can be overwhelming while grieving. Offer to clean their home or pay for a cleaning service, have food delivered, or cook a few meals to cover the week.

Sending text messages to friends, family, coworkers, or loved ones on the person’s behalf can help reduce the pressure to answer every call or text.”

While there are many things you can say or do to support someone who is grieving a death, remember that there is no perfect way, and making the effort to show up is what matters most.

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If you or someone you know is grieving over a loss, we are here for you. You don’t have to face it alone. Text CONNECT to 741741 any time for free, 24/7, confidential support from one of our volunteer Crisis Counselors.