How to help a friend who is suicidal or struggling emotionally
Never underestimate the power of checking in on your friends, family and colleagues. It can be a great habit to maintain because you never really know what a person is going through.
While it’s always important to stay connected with those we care about, September’s Suicide Prevention Awareness Month and the upcoming World Mental Health Day on October 10th serve as timely reminders to check in.
If you’re feeling like you or someone you love may need support, we’re here 24/7, confidential, free. Just text YOU to 741741 o envía un mensaje con la palabra TU al 741741 para ayuda en español.
How to check in on a friend
It is important to understand how to be there for someone, even if you are anxious about reaching out to someone you haven’t spoken to in a while. Despite any negative thoughts that may arise, remember that even if they don’t respond well, you still did the right thing by trying to offer support.
Try not to overthink what you want to say. Recall your memories with this person, and the relationship you have. A simple, “Hey, how have you been? I miss you!” could work, or something more specific you know about them to break the ice like, “Hey, how are you and your dog doing?” If you follow them on social media, you could also try to bring up something fun you’ve seen them doing. Even a nice good morning text to a friend could go a long way.
These are just ideas. Still unsure where to start? Check out some of our text ideas to inspire you further.
Don’t forget to check in on your strong friends, too
Who should I check in on? While there’s no right or wrong person to send a kind message to, let this be a reminder to check in on the people in your life who you might not think of first. Just because someone may present a certain way, as if everything is fine, doesn’t mean they are doing well. You never know if someone is thinking, “Nobody ever checks in on me.” People might be facing struggles you can’t see.. So, here’s your friendly reminder to:
- Check in on your funny friends
- Check in on your independent friends
- Check in on your friends who always check in on you
- Check in on your family members
- Check in on your supportive friends
- Check in on your grieving friends
What are the signs that someone might be having suicidal thoughts?
So, you’ve checked in on someone in your life, and they’re not doing well, or are acting strangely from what you know about them. What are some of the signs that a friend may be suicidal? Remember, you may be the best judge of when someone you know is behaving differently. Always trust your gut.
Here are some other signs someone might be having suicidal thoughts:
- A change in someone’s personality or behavior
- They’re talking about having immense guilt or shame or being a burden to others
- Withdrawing from friends
- Giving away important items
- Making a will
- Taking unusually dangerous risks
- Displaying extreme mood swings
- Eating or sleeping dramatically more or less
- Misusing substances
What do I do if my friend is depressed or suicidal?
What if you’ve checked in on your friend and they reveal that they are feeling suicidal, depressed or battling something heavy? This can be very overwhelming. It’s okay to not know what to do at first. Here’s where to start:
Ask questions
If you’re unsure if someone is having suicidal thoughts, do not worry about seeming too direct or straightforward. It’s always OK to ask about suicide. You can, and should, ask:
- “Are you thinking about suicide?”,
- “Are you having thoughts of ending your life?” or
- “Are you thinking about killing yourself?”
Read more about asking about suicide.
Take action
It’s best to take action if your gut feeling is that someone is having suicidal thoughts, or they are experiencing mental health issues and you’re worried about them.
Seek immediate help if they convey to you they are actively suicidal. Here are some options.
- Call 911 or your local emergency number immediately.
- If you’re able to do so safely, take them to the nearest emergency department.
- If you are certain they have a therapist or a psychiatrist, call them for a crisis plan.
If you are a child or teenager, inform a trusted adult immediately even if your friend tells you not to.
If you feel they are not at direct danger to themselves, and they’d like to speak with a free, confidential helpline, they can text YOU to 741741 and they will be connected with a volunteer Crisis Counselor.
Be patient and mindful
You never know the true extent of what someone is battling, and there may be reasons for their actions not privy to you. Treat them with patience and be mindful of their lived experiences you may not be aware of.
Lead with empathy
Let them know they aren’t alone. Remind them that you’re here to listen, they are never alone, and that you care about them. Aim to be nonjudgmental and avoid criticism.
Encourage them to seek professional help
Encourage this only when they’re ready. Provide support, research and how to go about talking to someone.
Tell them to text YOU to 741741 for free, confidential mental health support o envía un mensaje con la palabra TU al 741741.
If you’re not in the best place to be there for them, that’s okay. We are here for anyone battling suicidal thoughts, 24/7, in English and Spanish.
Offer practical support
Ideate creative ways to support their day-to-day lifestyle. Ask if there’s anything you can support them with to make this time easier. Perhaps you can take over childcare, help with chores, provide meals or support them in other ways.
More ways to support a friend with suicidal thoughts →
Crisis Text Line is dedicated to preventing suicide. We can help if you or someone you know is thinking about ending their life. Text YOU to 741741 or use the mobile text button on this page to text from your phone. We’re here to support everyone.
Learn more about how to deal with suicide and depression.
What should I NOT do if my friend is depressed or suicidal?
While you’re trying to do the right thing, it is important to take caution with your actions to not make someone feel belittled or unheard.
Avoid:
- Invalidating them
- Changing the subject
- Avoiding the topic
- Telling them they’ll feel better soon or get over it
- Compare them to someone or something else
- Downplay their serious feelings
- Distract them or tell them to cheer up or snap out of it
It’s easy to forget to text the people in your life due to busy schedules, but a simple check in to show your family, friends or colleagues you’re just thinking about them can go a long way. You never know if someone is having a challenging day or weeks, and not everyone has the strength to reach out first. Check out our text templates if you don’t know what to say.
If you’re feeling like you need support, we’re here 24/7 to be there for you. Just text YOU to 741741 o envía un mensaje con la palabra TU al 741741 para ayuda en español.
Disclaimer: Crisis Text Line seeks to support people in crisis, and is not a substitute for professional health care, mental health treatment, psychiatric care or therapy of any kind. All information presented in this post is for informational purposes only and is not intended as professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Crisis Text Line disclaims all warranties of any kind, whether express or implied. Please read Crisis Text Line’s privacy policy and terms of use for more information.
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